Sixteen clues you are a 2016 Debut Author
CLUE #2 Your doctors say that swelling and pain in your fingertips is a previously unknown repetitive stress syndrome from keyboarding too much during revisions. He wants permission to write about you in the New England Journal of Medicine.
CLUE #3: You’re convinced the reason no one has responded to your post on the Debut Author group yet is that everyone is too embarrassed by your awkwardness to reply.
CLUE #4: You find sweet things (or coffee!) moderately to no-words-can-describingly irresistible. Which leads to…
CLUE #5: You gain a marvelous sixteen pounds, triggered by revision letter stress (chocolate and chips/queso consumption also in the sixteen-pound range).
CLUE #6: You don’t think there’s anything strange about keeping a countdown for an unknown and undetermined publication date hundreds of days in the future.
CLUE #7: You’re brainstorming stock answers for “What’s it about?”, “How much did they pay you?”, and “Seriously, it doesn’t come out for TWO MORE YEARS?”
CLUE #8: You’re already slightly (okay more than slightly) panicked about your final manuscript deadline. You mean the book has to be “done” by that date? What is this mysterious “done” of which you speak?
CLUE #9: You wonder if anyone other than your mom will buy your book.
CLUE #10: When most people say, “Wow, you have to wait 14 months? ” you say, “Oh my god, I only have 14 months?!”
CLUE #11: You develop insomnia out of a crazed fear that if you fall asleep, you’ll wake up and realize it was all just a dream, or:
CLUE #12: You just develop insomnia.
CLUE #13: You seem to have an unnatural fondness for the movie “Sixteen Candles”.
CLUE #14: So many empty pop cans have assembled in your desk area that you could construct the eighth wonder of the world with them.
CLUE #15: You remember, as if through the dim mists of time, when you used to do workouts. And see friends. And cook. And basically have a life.
CLUE #16: You haven’t got the freaking time to write 16 clues for a Top 16 list.