Relax, gentle readers, and allow the Sweet Sixteens’ very own yogis to guide you through the positions every author should know…and don’t forget to Breathe Deeply. You’re going to need it.
Kristina Nekyia, FIT AND BENDY
- The Sun Salutation: Look up bleary-eyed from the manuscript of your second book. Realize it’s light out. Scream when you realize you worked all night. Breathe Deeply.
- Downward Dog: Give Rover another “Frosty Paws” doggy ice cream rather than leave your laptop to take him for a walk. Repeat in fifteen minutes.
- Warrior: Start with the firm stance that you and your book are going to take on the world. Flow through the postures of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. End with total panic, dread, and the unwavering conviction that you and your book are destined for a garbage heap.
- Corpse Pose: For use immediately after receiving your first editorial letter. Collapse onto the floor in a boneless heap of despair. Repeat as needed throughout revisions and your first round of reviews.
- Crow Pose: Put off writing your next book by attempting to master this difficult pose. Could also be attempted as a challenge during pre-writing “research” such as Game of Thrones marathons.
- Chair Pose: Sit using a non-existent chair because butt hurts from sitting in an actual chair typing for extended periods of time.
- Dancing Shiva: Perform immediately after signing book contract and receiving first check. Perform again after handing in final revision and receiving second check. Perform again when book cover & ARCs come out. If you dislike the cover of your book, see Corpse Pose.
- Child’s Pose – Curl up in the fetal position every time somebody asks you when you’re going to make as much money as that nice J.K. Rowling lady.
- Tree Pose: Clear your mind, still your thoughts… (Cue Sixteener’s internal monologue: Are you kidding me? Still my thoughts? My main character isn’t cooperating and I need to find a way to fix this plot hole and is anyone going to buy my book besides my immediate family?)
- Wheel Pose: Begin by reading your editorial letter. Taking a deep breath, dive in and revise your entire manuscript. Taking another deep breath, revise your entire manuscript again. Keep going round and round until you have no idea if you’ve improved the manuscript or not. As each successive editorial letter arrives, repeat the flow. Namaste!
- Plank: You freeze–face down–in fear, because you’ve just realized you have to write a second book in a year, when it took you a bit longer (ahem-years) to write the first one.
- Wheelbarrow Pose: Stare at your navel until you find a way to MacGyver yourself out of this plot quagmire using a Cheez-It cracker and a binder clip.
- Baby Cobra Pose: Be sure your weight is evenly distributed throughout your body. Work on the problems with your main character’s motivation. Hiss like an enraged snake at anyone who interrupts.
- Squat with Prayer Hands Pose: Deep squat, bring hands forward, palm to palm, let head fall limply back on neck. Whisper in an agonized voice, “O’ Compassionate Universe, please let me finish Book Number Two”.
- Camel Pose: Open a new Word document. Begin writing Book 2. Trudge through the dry, dusty, barren wasteland of page after empty page. Get up for a glass of water. Repeat.
- Crouching Dragon with Insomnia Pose: There is no such pose, officially. However, you will naturally fall into this unique, exciting flow on the night before your book launches.
Contributors: Victoria Coe, Laurie Elizabeth Flynn, Ellen Goodlett, Melissa Gozelanczyk, Bridget Hodder, Celeste Lim, Janet Taylor, Kali Wallace, Darcy Woods
In a classic example of the coincidental convergence of great minds (and great bodies), it’s been brought to our attention that there is another blog out there already with a wonderful take on Author Yoga–this one with illustrations of hilarious “poses”.
Visit Electric Lit to enjoy it: http://electricliterature.com/infographic-yoga-for-writers/