Worst winter in forever getting you down? Never fear! The Sweet Sixteens have got you covered.
Here are sixteen things you can do while at home in a blizzard…
#1 Gather the entire family around The Weather Channel. Kids pop a Cheeto each time they say, “Record-Breaking” or “Historic”. Parents knock back a shot of Laphroiag 18.
#2 With a mug of Baileys hot chocolate in hand, sit down for a few rounds of The Game of Life. Writers must resist the urge to come up with plot twists to make the game more interesting.
#3 Put up a large world map on your living room wall. Whenever a “friend” calls, texts, tweets or Facebooks about how it’s 80 degrees where they are and maybe you should move, stick a long voodoo pin into their locale and snarl: “It’s 2000 degrees in Hell”.
#4 Dress up like Elsa and re-enact Frozen with snowballs instead of magic.
#5 I have a great idea! Let’s all pretend we’re Elsa from “Frozen” one more time, okay? Because it isn’t true that we can’t ALL be Elsa. Then let’s watch the movie again. And then…we can watch the special “Song Only” video from the movie again. Okay?
#6 “Kids, on the 3rd day of our winter captivity, let’s play ‘Lord of the Flies’! We can subject each other to random verbal attacks, hole up in our burrows (rooms) for protection during conflicts, and gobble essential food (such as cookies) when no one else is looking.”
#7 Turn off the heat. Whoever complains, or fetches warmer clothes first must cobble together the leftovers in the fridge to make a good dinner. If the dinner is not good, loser must put on bathing suit and jump into snow. (dinner is serious business)
#8 Sit around a blazing fire and toss in the pages of your very first you-thought-it-was-great-but-it-was-actually-horrible manuscript. Celebrate by watching it burn.
#9 Redecorate with chalkboard paint… everywhere, and then pass out chalk and explain to the kids (and to convince yourself) that some of the world’s best work came out of being trapped, committed or incarcerated as with Van Gogh, Solzhenitsyn, Wilde, Cervantes. Of course, Bailey’s or Laphroaig 18 could make this even more creative.
#11 Shovel all the snow in the neighborhood into your yard and build a model of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Recreate the final scene in Ghostbusters. Cross the streams and hope it melts the snow before Gozer falls on your house.
#12 Peel all the labels off your snow-emergency canned goods. Then play what’s for dinner over and over ad nauseam. (I did this at age 7. Mom was supremely underwhelmed.)
#13 Since we’ve had twice as much winter this year, we should have twice as much Christmas. Hang lights and the dusty fake wreath from the basement, sing carols around the fire with egg nog, and go for the holiday gold.
#14 Turn out all the lights, sit in a circle, and pull out your phones. Eight hours later, one of you can look up and wonder aloud if the pizza place might be delivering in spite of the no-travel advisory.
#15 Open snow-blocked front doorway, take family selfie in front of huge drift. Send to all your friends. Realize the snow shovel is on the OTHER SIDE of the snowblocked doorway. Stare at each other in silence until bedtime.
#16 There is no #16. There aren’t sixteen things to do when stuck at home during a blizzard. And that’s kinda the point.
—Contributors: Bridget Hodder, Laurie Elizabeth Flynn, Marieke Nijkamp, Sarah Ahlers, Victoria Coe, Heather Meloche, Brooks Benjamin, Darcy Woods